Building a Healthy Relationship with Fear

The emotion of fear gets a bad rap. As a teacher, writer and coach I have seen, read and heard countless blogs, posts, articles, books and conversations about how fear must be eradicated and removed from life. Let’s take a quick step back and access this from a psychological and biological position.

 

  • All emotions are responses that are wired into our makeup and are part of the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences.

 

  • Fear is one of the largest tools for feedback to ensure safety and survival.

 

  • It is impossible to remove our ‘fight or flight’ responses.

 

When we have a healthy relationship with fear it can be a guide versus a roadblock!

 

So why can fear be so awful and crippling at times? How can we learn to harness this normal emotion to better serve us? How can we work with fear versus against it? How can we better understand ourselves and our life through fear? How can we move beyond the negative impacts of fear? How can we experience and create a healthier and more balanced relationship with fear?

 

When we have an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship with fear it can block us from moving forward, having clarity, making good choices, effectively solving problems and overcoming life’s challenges, stressors and obstacles.

 

First, let’s understand health fear…

 

Fear is a response that is meant to warn us and keep us safe. Unfortunately, many people have become ‘triggered’ into a fight or flight or fear based state 24/7 and thus respond to non-threatening issues as if they were life threatening on a physiological level. This means that the things that may not normally cause fear or stress do.

 

Let’s try a shift in our perspective about fear…

 

What if, just what if FEAR was actually there to help you?

What if FEAR was trying to work for your highest good?

 

Here are some simple steps to begin shifting your relationship with FEAR:

 

  1. Reset

Pause and reset versus reacting to fear.

Things like meditation, yoga and even simple breathing exercises can help us get back to a neutral place which will better enable us to evaluate our fear more effectively.

 

  1. Ask Yourself Powerful Questions

Engage your brain in order to get clarity.

Instead of allowing your mind to run away with the fear, as yourself powerful questions that will lead to self-discovery, effective problem solving and solutions. Questions like, ‘why am I feeling fear’, ‘what feedback or alert message is fear trying to share with me’?

 

  1. Assess

Analyze the situation.

Look at the situation that is causing the fear objectively and try to see the bigger picture, the broader meaning or the direction it is leading you towards and ask yourself WHY & HOW.

 

  1. Breath Through It

Process and release the negative aspects of the emotion while keeping the lesson or alert.

Feeling our feelings, then processing them and letting it go or releasing it is an important way to not only move forward more effectively but also to bring more balance to you mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

 

  1. Make a Plan

Based on your self-discovery and analysis make a plan of actionable steps.

Write out very specific action steps to take to begin moving towards solutions or achieving goals.

 

  1. Get Support

Gain the tools, techniques, mentors, friends or coaches to help you!

Don’t go it alone! Everyone can relate to feelings of fear and also sometimes getting stuck because of them. Talk about it with friends and loved ones, research tools and techniques or even see a life coach (preferably an Integrative Life Coach iwacoaching.com) who can help you become more equipped to handle fear and stressors as well as to overcome their negative effects and successfully move forward.

 

Living A Holistic Life

Living A Holistic Life

By Rachel Eva, C.HT, M.NLP, MTILC

Founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), Integrative Life Coach & Health Practitioner

 

We hear the word holistic and holism tossed around a lot in integrative wellness and natural medicine. These terms have already flooded the health and wellness markets and made their way into popular culture.

 

But what exactly does this mean?

What is ‘holism’ and how can it be ‘lived’ in everyday life?

 

As the founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), myself and the IWA team trains and certifies thousands of integrative life coaches each year. As part of how we teach our students to coach their clients we educate them on holism as a core element to help their clients achieve health, success and balance through applying ‘holism’ through the Holistic Life Model, which I will share with you!

 

First, let’s define holistic and holism so you can get some simple clarity. According to dictionary.com, here are the definitions:

 

Holistic –

 

Philosophy – characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.

Medicine – characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.

 

Holism –

 

The theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts. Holism is often applied to mental states, language, and ecology.

 

 

What does this mean in more simplistic and applicable terms?

 

Every part of us, our minds (mental), bodies (physical), emotions (emotional) and spirits (spiritual) are interconnected and have an effect on each other, as well as an effect on each of the major areas of life; health, career & finances, family & relationships, spirituality & self-development. Furthermore, each of the major areas of our life have an effect on all aspects or parts of self (the 4 systems); mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. We need to VIEW and CARE care for the whole picture collectively, versus just a few parts in order to live the best life possible.

 

Before I dive in and introduce you to the Holistic Life Model, I need to further share my definitions with you for the four systems or parts of self:

 

Mental –


The Mental System is your thought life, including your self-perception and thought patterns as well as our beliefs and conscious perceptions. This is also the way we view other things out in the world.

 

Emotional –

 

The Emotional System are your feelings and your emotions. It’s also your relationships with other people and also the relationship you have with yourself.

 

Physical =

 

The Physical System is your physical health, as well as the tangible physical things you have in our life.

 

Spiritual –

 

The Spiritual System is our true-self, our personal development, connection to community, world and our connection to a higher power, whatever that definition is or is not for you.

 

The Holistic Life Model

 

The holistic Life Model is living your life, caring for, balancing and bringing health to all aspects of self and all major areas of life, in other words, caring for the whole self with a ‘big picture’ approach.

 

So how exactly can you begin to care for and bring balance to all of these aspects of self? Here are a few steps to begin moving your life towards aligning with and practicing the Holistic Life Model:

 

  1. Set an intention to pay attention to and care for ALL of the systems/aspects of self and all of the major areas of life
  2. Put this intention into daily practice through actions!
  3. Make a ‘to do’ list of actions you can take to bring more wellness, health and balance to each system and to each major area of your life
  4. Schedule it! Put these actions steps into your schedule and stick to them

 

Remember it’s a process, not an event and the goal is to MOVE towards what you want to have, do, be, experience and achieve!

How Your Yes’s & No’s Shape Your Future

The third or fourth word that many people learn to speak is either yes or no. The first words are often mamma, dada and if a person has a dog, then dog is number three, followed by yes and no.

Yes and no are two words in the English language we learn early on and use to exercise our power, express our needs and our preferences.

A yes or a no can have a significant effect on how we create what we experience in life. Often this is approached unintentionally from a place that is not rooted in self-love or honesty with oneself.

When we say yes to something we are aligning ourselves with that. A yes is also an invitation for it to be in your life and in a sense, it is agreeing with it. A person, place, thing or situation such as a request or voiced expectation from a loved one, diagnosis from a doctor or even an invitation to go on a date, gives us the opportunity to be intentional about what we allow and create in our lives.

One of my favorite and self-loving things to say is ‘I’m going to say no to this so that I can say yes to something else’. Another favorite is when I am told what I should do, before I say yes to that or agree with it, I allow myself the time and space to consider what has been shared with me as feedback. Then I determine what, if any, of that feedback will be helpful for me to take and incorporate into my life.

 

Give yourself permission to change your mind. You can try on a yes for size and discover it needs to become a no and vice versa.

When we say yes because we feel like we should, like it is expected of us, but it is not our truthful response, we are essentially stepping out of alignment with our true selves and saying yes to things that conflict with our truth. When we are in conflict, even on an unconscious or subconscious level, it creates chaos, unhappiness and many other problems in our lives.

We have all heard the famous saying ‘be true to thine self’ – however many of us don’t realize the consequences and disconnection from self we experience when we choose to say yes when our truth is a no.

We can still show up for our responsibilities and obligations, however we can do so in ways that do not conflict with our personal values and our authentic truth. Boundaries are helpful in managing this effectively.

In addition to setting healthy boundaries for yourself (not creating rules and controlling others – see my blog on clearing toxic relationships and boundaries) it is also important to ask ourselves the following questions when presented with invitations to make choices and express a yes or a no:

  1. Will saying yes or saying no serve me more?
  2. Will saying yes or saying no lead towards balance and harmony in myself and in my life?
  3. Do I want to say yes or say no? (Be honest with yourself) and then ask yourself ‘Why?’.
  4. Which answer helps me best take care of myself while also showing up for life?
  5. What does my gut say?
  6. What’s the bigger picture? What will saying yes or saying no invite into my life and create, what will it lead away from?

Asking ourselves these questions helps us move beyond any beliefs or perspectives that are limiting us. It helps to step away from expectations that do not serve us (typically self-inflicted expectations) and gain clarity about the bigger picture of what we are creating and moving towards in our lives.

I invite you to let go of that which no longer serves you and to give yourself permission to say yes or to say no. Practicing intentionality towards your yes’s and no’s will empower you to create the life you want and to decrease the stress and negative things impacting your life.

Let all of your answers come from honoring your higher self, your truth. Boldly curate your life with intentional yes’s and intentional no’s.

 

 

 

What Now? Thriving in The Trump Era

Many people, from both parties, have been conflicted, angry, disappointed, afraid and frustrated since the US ushered in a new president.

Issues of equal rights, safety, human rights, acceptance and tolerance have been a high concern for many and I have seen the backlash concerning this all around us. There has been and continued to be much negativity and accusations being spewed across social media and even news sources. I only have two things to say about this:

  1. You cannot combat or overcome hate and fear effectively with hate and fear. It takes loving action.
  1. We as a people have co-created where we are and need to consciously co-create what we want to experience moving forward.

Please know that no problem can be addressed if it is not something we are aware of consciously. This brings to light the fear, hate, desperation, judgement and division of our country. Now, the spotlight has been shined on many issues we want to change. As it is at the forefront of our awareness, we as a people can be the change. We each can be a part of the solution. This problem cannot be solved by any one politician or any single group or party. It is a collective problem that WE Americans have and only WE Americans can fix through love, tolerance, unity and understanding. We must each participate in love. We cannot change these issues of hate and fear with more hate and fear.

By choosing to read, tweet and retweet, post and repost anger based messages, all you are doing is participating in furthering anger, hate and division. Be the solution. Be the change. First by removing yourself from the negative hamster wheel of conversations, thoughts and media. Next by giving some thought about what you want this world and this country to be like. Followed by coming up with an action plan, some small steps that you can take that are rooted in love, to BE THE CHANGE and create positive change.

What we all need are loving and strong leaders right now. Leaders lead, they blaze a path and set an example. They do not simply sit around moaning and groaning about what they hate. Anyone can do that. It is easier to complain about what you don’t like, not take responsibility or any accountability while putting the ownership and responsibility solely on someone else.

When we focus our attention on something we magnify it. It becomes bigger. When we focus on something it turns into an intention, or the place we send our energy to. When we focus on the problems we magnify the problems. However, when we shift our focus to the solutions we magnify the solutions!

During an extreme time of violence in US history, a group of meditators came together in Washington DC to meditate on peace, love and harmony. They set their focus and attention on this. During the exact times that they meditated on this, the crime rate dropped! Our focus and intention is powerful and it is powerfully positive when done from a place of love.

Set your focus and attention intentionally on the solutions (or finding the solutions) to create the positive changes you want to see happen in this world. Make sure that you check your heart and are honest with yourself… can you do this from a place of unconditional love and acceptance of other people, even if they do not believe or behave the way you would like them to?

Taking accountability for our part of creating positive change will lead us to great places individually and collectively! As Dr. Seuss put it so eloquently… “You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so… get on your way!”.

Love,

Rachel

PS – Join me in sharing the solutions through Social Media!

Twitter: @rachelevaonline

Instagram: @rachelevaonline

Facebook: Author Rachel Eva

 

Self-Care – The Art of the Home Spa Experience

Self-care is a huge part of not only my physical and emotional practices but also my spiritual practice. Nurturing and caring for oneself allows for a deeper and more intimate relationship with self, community and a deeper spiritual life.

When I am investing in myself it is as if I am putting deposits into the bank, think of these deposits not as money but as energy that can then be spent of the things you want such as deepening relationships, expanding career or achieving goals.

We cannot possibly show up and give successfully what our lives require of us unless we first have it to give away. If we simply give away all our energy from a depleted account that is when we lack excellence, balance and joy! It is also when we wear ourselves down and eventually break down.

Self-care needs to address our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Self-care can be anything that works for you or recharges you in a positive way.

I have created a self-care home spa experience that I incorporate into my self-care routine frequently (in whole or in part depending on the time I have set aside). Self-care does not have to be complex. In fact, most of mine is fairly basic yet highly effective. May this be helpful to you on your continued journey and exploration into the benefits of self-care!

Create Sacred Space

Start your home spa self-care experience by setting the tone or creating a sacred space. Turn the lights down, diffuse some lavender, light candles and play some beautiful relaxing music!

Breathe

Sit and close your eyes. Give yourself permission to put your ‘to do’ list away mentally and to let go of anything that you need to. Give yourself to feel whatever comes up. Spend a few minutes simply focusing on your breath. Breathe deep and relaxed breaths for a few minutes and just allow yourself to BE.

Detox Soak

Not only does a good detox soak in a tub reduce stress and tension mentally, physically and emotionally, it also helps to pull toxins out of your largest organ… your skin! Here is the detox recipe I use in my weekly baths, all of these ingredients can be found at WholeFoods or for more affordable option, on Amazon:

2 cups colloidal fine grain organic oatmeal

2 tablespoons of Coconut Charcoal

1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar

½ cup Arnica Oil

2 cups Magnesium Flakes

¼ cup Castor Oil

Draw a warm bath, stir in ingredients above. Feel free to add any essential oils you might enjoy as well such as lavender (for relaxation). Soak for at least 30 minutes.

Abhyanga (Self Massage)

You don’t have to set aside time and money to get a professional massage or miss out on the benefits if you either can’t afford one or simply don’t have time. Abhyanga is an Indian self-massage ritual that has many restorative and destressing perks in addition to the fast, accessible and in expensive aspects. All you need is a good clean (organic preferred) pure oil! The oils I recommend are Aragan, Almond or a good Ayurvedic oil blend. Generously apply oil starting from your feet and slowly massaging the oil in and working your way all the way up your body, even to your face and head! Rinse off after, but do not soap up. You will want some of the oils to be able to seep in throughout the day or overnight.

‘Details’

This is a time where I will give myself permission to pamper myself by paying attention to all the care and maintenance of the small ‘details’ such as putting on a face mask, giving myself a manicure or pedicure, plucking eyebrows, etc.

Stretch & Flow Restorative Yoga

Roll out your yoga mat or even a towel on the floor. Move your body through some light yoga stretches and restorative poses. If you don’t know any you can google some restorative yoga videos on YouTube or I highly recommend Cheri Clampett’s restorative yoga classes that are available on the Yoga Anytime Channel on Amazon. Whatever you choose, remember the goal is not to workout, the goal is to restore and nurture your body. So listen to your body, ask it what it needs and try to provide that. Your body may need to just stretch out and rest fully or spend a few minutes in one restorative pose. Either way, let go of expectations and let your body lead you.

Ritual

Finish up by creating a little ritual for yourself. A ritual can be anything as long as it has the following elements:

  1. Set an intention
  2. Invite in connection and guidance from a higher source (this can be God, nature, love, etc.)
  3. A sacred place/space (which you should have already created at the beginning of your self-care home spa practice)

Your ritual can be done through the use of artistic expression like painting or drawing, through burning incense, sage or Palo Santo wood, it can be done with crystals, with movement such as dance, it can be done communing in nature or anything else. Rituals should be personal and meaningful and breed connection with your higher true self and with God, Spirit, the Divine (or whatever is aligned with your beliefs).

 

 

Copyright Rachel Eva 2019. All Rights Reserved