…You NEED to know this!
- Non-organic cotton
- Dioxin (chemical is a result of chlorine processing)
- Lola (absolutely the best & what I use)
- Seventh Generation
- O.B. Organic Tampons
…You NEED to know this!
The emotion of fear gets a bad rap. As a teacher, writer and coach I have seen, read and heard countless blogs, posts, articles, books and conversations about how fear must be eradicated and removed from life. Let’s take a quick step back and access this from a psychological and biological position.
When we have a healthy relationship with fear it can be a guide versus a roadblock!
So why can fear be so awful and crippling at times? How can we learn to harness this normal emotion to better serve us? How can we work with fear versus against it? How can we better understand ourselves and our life through fear? How can we move beyond the negative impacts of fear? How can we experience and create a healthier and more balanced relationship with fear?
When we have an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship with fear it can block us from moving forward, having clarity, making good choices, effectively solving problems and overcoming life’s challenges, stressors and obstacles.
First, let’s understand health fear…
Fear is a response that is meant to warn us and keep us safe. Unfortunately, many people have become ‘triggered’ into a fight or flight or fear based state 24/7 and thus respond to non-threatening issues as if they were life threatening on a physiological level. This means that the things that may not normally cause fear or stress do.
Let’s try a shift in our perspective about fear…
What if, just what if FEAR was actually there to help you?
What if FEAR was trying to work for your highest good?
Here are some simple steps to begin shifting your relationship with FEAR:
Pause and reset versus reacting to fear.
Things like meditation, yoga and even simple breathing exercises can help us get back to a neutral place which will better enable us to evaluate our fear more effectively.
Engage your brain in order to get clarity.
Instead of allowing your mind to run away with the fear, as yourself powerful questions that will lead to self-discovery, effective problem solving and solutions. Questions like, ‘why am I feeling fear’, ‘what feedback or alert message is fear trying to share with me’?
Analyze the situation.
Look at the situation that is causing the fear objectively and try to see the bigger picture, the broader meaning or the direction it is leading you towards and ask yourself WHY & HOW.
Process and release the negative aspects of the emotion while keeping the lesson or alert.
Feeling our feelings, then processing them and letting it go or releasing it is an important way to not only move forward more effectively but also to bring more balance to you mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.
Based on your self-discovery and analysis make a plan of actionable steps.
Write out very specific action steps to take to begin moving towards solutions or achieving goals.
Gain the tools, techniques, mentors, friends or coaches to help you!
Don’t go it alone! Everyone can relate to feelings of fear and also sometimes getting stuck because of them. Talk about it with friends and loved ones, research tools and techniques or even see a life coach (preferably an Integrative Life Coach iwacoaching.com) who can help you become more equipped to handle fear and stressors as well as to overcome their negative effects and successfully move forward.
Living A Holistic Life
By Rachel Eva, C.HT, M.NLP, MTILC
Founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), Integrative Life Coach & Health Practitioner
We hear the word holistic and holism tossed around a lot in integrative wellness and natural medicine. These terms have already flooded the health and wellness markets and made their way into popular culture.
But what exactly does this mean?
What is ‘holism’ and how can it be ‘lived’ in everyday life?
As the founder of IWA (Integrative Wellness Academy), myself and the IWA team trains and certifies thousands of integrative life coaches each year. As part of how we teach our students to coach their clients we educate them on holism as a core element to help their clients achieve health, success and balance through applying ‘holism’ through the Holistic Life Model, which I will share with you!
First, let’s define holistic and holism so you can get some simple clarity. According to dictionary.com, here are the definitions:
Philosophy – characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.
Medicine – characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.
The theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts. Holism is often applied to mental states, language, and ecology.
What does this mean in more simplistic and applicable terms?
Every part of us, our minds (mental), bodies (physical), emotions (emotional) and spirits (spiritual) are interconnected and have an effect on each other, as well as an effect on each of the major areas of life; health, career & finances, family & relationships, spirituality & self-development. Furthermore, each of the major areas of our life have an effect on all aspects or parts of self (the 4 systems); mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. We need to VIEW and CARE care for the whole picture collectively, versus just a few parts in order to live the best life possible.
Before I dive in and introduce you to the Holistic Life Model, I need to further share my definitions with you for the four systems or parts of self:
The Mental System is your thought life, including your self-perception and thought patterns as well as our beliefs and conscious perceptions. This is also the way we view other things out in the world.
The Emotional System are your feelings and your emotions. It’s also your relationships with other people and also the relationship you have with yourself.
The Physical System is your physical health, as well as the tangible physical things you have in our life.
The Spiritual System is our true-self, our personal development, connection to community, world and our connection to a higher power, whatever that definition is or is not for you.
The Holistic Life Model
The holistic Life Model is living your life, caring for, balancing and bringing health to all aspects of self and all major areas of life, in other words, caring for the whole self with a ‘big picture’ approach.
So how exactly can you begin to care for and bring balance to all of these aspects of self? Here are a few steps to begin moving your life towards aligning with and practicing the Holistic Life Model:
Remember it’s a process, not an event and the goal is to MOVE towards what you want to have, do, be, experience and achieve!
The third or fourth word that many people learn to speak is either yes or no. The first words are often mamma, dada and if a person has a dog, then dog is number three, followed by yes and no.
Yes and no are two words in the English language we learn early on and use to exercise our power, express our needs and our preferences.
A yes or a no can have a significant effect on how we create what we experience in life. Often this is approached unintentionally from a place that is not rooted in self-love or honesty with oneself.
When we say yes to something we are aligning ourselves with that. A yes is also an invitation for it to be in your life and in a sense, it is agreeing with it. A person, place, thing or situation such as a request or voiced expectation from a loved one, diagnosis from a doctor or even an invitation to go on a date, gives us the opportunity to be intentional about what we allow and create in our lives.
One of my favorite and self-loving things to say is ‘I’m going to say no to this so that I can say yes to something else’. Another favorite is when I am told what I should do, before I say yes to that or agree with it, I allow myself the time and space to consider what has been shared with me as feedback. Then I determine what, if any, of that feedback will be helpful for me to take and incorporate into my life.
Give yourself permission to change your mind. You can try on a yes for size and discover it needs to become a no and vice versa.
When we say yes because we feel like we should, like it is expected of us, but it is not our truthful response, we are essentially stepping out of alignment with our true selves and saying yes to things that conflict with our truth. When we are in conflict, even on an unconscious or subconscious level, it creates chaos, unhappiness and many other problems in our lives.
We have all heard the famous saying ‘be true to thine self’ – however many of us don’t realize the consequences and disconnection from self we experience when we choose to say yes when our truth is a no.
We can still show up for our responsibilities and obligations, however we can do so in ways that do not conflict with our personal values and our authentic truth. Boundaries are helpful in managing this effectively.
In addition to setting healthy boundaries for yourself (not creating rules and controlling others – see my blog on clearing toxic relationships and boundaries) it is also important to ask ourselves the following questions when presented with invitations to make choices and express a yes or a no:
Asking ourselves these questions helps us move beyond any beliefs or perspectives that are limiting us. It helps to step away from expectations that do not serve us (typically self-inflicted expectations) and gain clarity about the bigger picture of what we are creating and moving towards in our lives.
I invite you to let go of that which no longer serves you and to give yourself permission to say yes or to say no. Practicing intentionality towards your yes’s and no’s will empower you to create the life you want and to decrease the stress and negative things impacting your life.
Let all of your answers come from honoring your higher self, your truth. Boldly curate your life with intentional yes’s and intentional no’s.
First let’s identify and understand stress and stressors a bit so that you will have a deeper understanding about where it may be creeping into your life.
First, stress has been proven to lead to physical illness, mental illness, injury, obesity and disease. In fact, stress is considering the leading cause of these! Even if you have a genetic pre-disposition towards an illness or disease, stress activates that gene. It essentially flips the light switch from the off position to the on position within our DNA. The numbers are staggering, research has shown that between 94-98% off ALL illness and disease is caused (related to?) by stress!
Stress is not just emotional. It can be mental (happening in our thought life), emotional, physical and environmental. Toxins we encounter causes stress to the immune system and our entire body functions.
So why not just remove stress from our lives? Well, in order to do this, we would have to live in a bubble and that would be stressful too! It is not the goal to completely remove all stress but to reduce stress while INCREASING OUR CAPACITY to deal with or handle stress.
Another important aspect of becoming empowered to breaking up with stress you need to consider is…
Where may I be adding to, or creating stress, in my life?
What do I gain from doing this, what do I get out of it?
Sometimes we create stress and chaos in our lives, or at the very least feed it, in order to avoid dealing with or acknowledging something we are not yet ready to face, resolve or change. It’s like creating a big loud clanking distraction that makes it almost impossible to hear or notice anything else. In order to truly break up with stress we must take ownership and accountability for the part we play in it.
So here are some simple steps to reducing stress and increasing your capacity to handle life’s stressors:
Emotional Stress Reduction
First and foremost, recognizing and honoring our emotions is a critical part of emotional stress reduction. We need to both be aware of our feelings, then process and release those emotions in a healthy and balanced way versus suppressing, avoiding or ignoring them. Secondly, we need to take ownership of our emotional life. If we are experiencing negative emotions blaming others will not help. We must each find healthy ways to experience and express our emotions. No one else can make you FEEL any emotion without your permission and YOUR participation.
Reducing emotional stress is best done through aligning yourself with your values. When our job, relationships and all other aspects of our lives are aligned with our values and our true self (versus all the beliefs and thoughts of what SHOULD be) emotional stress will be significantly decreased.
Also learning healthy boundaries and how to say NO to the things that add un-necessary emotional stress to your life will set you free from an overabundance of emotional stress.
Physical Stress Reduction
Physical stress comes when we do not properly care for our bodies and our physical environment, as well as when we are exposed to toxins through the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breathe. Obviously trying to control this by completely removing all physical stressors would create an even bigger imbalance, and more stress. Try to find ways that you can limit physical stressors. Balancing and responsibly managing finances, life tasks and even cleaning (decluttering and organizing greatly reduce physical stressors).
Another way to reduce physical stressors is by making a commitment to yourself to get enough sleep, water and healthy balanced meals in your system each day. You can reduce the toxins you ingest by drinking more filtered water, packing foods in glass versus plastic, eating foods that are fresh, made by you and include fruits, veggies, lean proteins and healthy fats and avoiding eating pre-prepared foods.
Mental Stress Reduction
Whenever I mention ‘mental’ health or ‘mental’ stress people often think I am referring to intelligence or expanding the mind. When I am speaking of mental stress, this is referring to your thought life. The thought life are the types of thoughts you think, especially the recurring ones. Are they negative, filled with fear, optimistic, pessimistic, balanced, loving or reactionary? You are in control of your mind and the thoughts that you think. I am not recommending avoiding negative thoughts, instead invite yourself to avoid getting into a relationship with negative thoughts and negative thought cycles. In order to have a relationship with someone or something you must invest time and attention to them. So don’t invest in your negative thoughts and allow them to go on and on and around and around repeatedly. Also learn how to let things go. Obsessing is not problem solving and only causes you to suffer.
Environmental Stress Reduction
Similar to some elements that I mentioned under ‘physical stress reduction’, environmental stressors can also be toxins. These can be in the air you breathe or the materials within the four walls where you live or work. Again, we cannot healthfully completely control our environment but we can choose to reduce environmental stress by intentionally increasing time in less stressful environments. Less traffic, less pollution, less toxic materials. Intentionally investing time in environments that ‘feel better’ will automatically begin reducing your exposure to environmental stress. We must learn to listen to what environments ‘feel’ good or better.
The two simplest ways to reduce your environmental stress are to increase time in nature, amongst its beauty, out in the cleaner air and to clean up the environment you are most in. Cleaning up your environment means participating in reducing your own foot print because we all are co-creating this toxicity we experience. It also means being intentional about your home and work space where ever you are able to do so in a balanced manner. Keeping your space clean, removing toxins, filtering your air, purifying your space and purchasing environmentally safe items such as non-toxic clothing and furniture will do more for reducing your environmental stress then you may ever imagine!
It is unrealistic and also not healthy to try to avoid everything stressful. This simply weakens our ability to cope with life. Just because something may feel difficult or ‘bad’ does not mean that it IS bad for you. Overcoming and dealing with life’s stressors not only strengthen our character and increase our capacity to cope with stress but it also builds our character. It helps us grow and expand into the type of person who can feel inner peace and have clarity and calmness of thought even amidst difficult challenges.
When increasing our capacity for stress, the metaphor I like to use most is; imagine that you are carrying around a glass of water that is half full. Every time you encounter stress it’s like adding another ounce of water in your glass. Now, if you don’t take frequent sips to empty the glass, eventually those little one ounce stressors will make your glass so full that the next one-ounce stressor will cause an overflow, a mess, that will pour out everywhere. If we are continually intentionally emptying the stress we are not thrown off balance when we encounter a new stress.
Here are some ways to increase your capacity to deal with stress and proactively manage the stress you already have:
Self-care gives you the energy you need to handle stress. It should be approached as a non-negotiable, non-optional practice in your life. If you are too busy or overloaded for self-care I recommend that you schedule it into your daily life with the same priority you would a work meeting, family obligation or doctor’s appointment! Self-care can be anything that you find helpful, enjoyable or recharging. Here are some self-care ideas I shared in one of my recent blogs, The Self-Care Home Spa Experience
Healthy boundaries that are rooted in love are a game changer for the way you experience and enjoy your life, career and relationships. Boundaries are not rules you demand from others. That is called control, not a boundary. A boundary is something you personally set and you personally respect and abide by in order to honor yourself, your needs, your values and those of the people you love. You are the only person in any relationship that can honor your boundaries. It is up to you to do so and if you do not, you are not a victim of someone else, don’t place blame on them if you did not respect your own boundary.
Most of us never learned about healthy boundaries, I know I didn’t. A great resource for beginning or expanding your personal understanding and relationship to boundaries is the book ‘Boundaries’ by Townson & Cloud.
Let That Shit Go!
Why hold on to old resentments? They are only poisoning you! No one is perfect and everyone is doing the very best they can with the information and resources they have at the time. Would you be angry at a deaf person for not hearing you speak? No, of course not. Why do we get angry and hurt when people are unable to give or do something they are not capable of? This doesn’t mean we continue in toxic relationships and it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for someone to treat you poorly. Refer back to boundaries, take responsibility for how you react and respond to others behaviors that offend or harm you. You can honor yourself, remain safe and have healthy boundaries while also no longer feeling the venom of anger and resentment in your life. A wonderful and free resource for this is found on Byron Katie’s website called The Work. Spending 10 minutes completing the free downloadable form changed my life and my perspective on the most difficult relationships in my life – www.thework.com
Put On Your Big Kid Undies and Deal with It
Stop making everything such a big F-ing deal, seriously! It’s up to you what you take offense to. I choose not to take very much personally. If you are a person who is reactionary, you are simply a bomb waiting to go off…this makes you a victim of every circumstance and completely robs you of your power! It is only when I do choose to make it all about me and take offense to something that I experience stress and pain. When a situation or circumstance is less than your desired outcome or when someone says or does something you wished would have been different, more, less or better make a conscious choice to put on your big kid undies and deal with it from a peaceful, tolerant and loving place.
Practicing Preference Versus Attachment
I am very intentional about my life, my goals, my plans and the thoughts and actions I participate in. I have a specific goal or desired outcome AND I also allow for my goals and desires to show up looking a bit different. I practice preference versus attachment. My happiness and success is not contingent on things being one way, my way or what I perceive to be the right way. In that same vein I do not have unrealistic demands or expectations on how other people in this world behave, show up in the world or what beliefs their lives reflect. I honor others and experience much peace within this world of diverse beliefs and behaviors simply because my beliefs, perspectives and values are things I have a preference for versus an attachment to.
When we are attached to something it is narrow, rigid and reflects a ‘this is the only way’ attitude. This limits us versus offers expansion, growth and the potential for greater success. Practicing the art and science of living a life guided by preference versus attachment is something that takes intentional daily practice in order to master! When you practice continually you will build your ability to do this the way you strengthen a muscle by repetitive exercise. As you weave this art into the framework of your life you will see stress melt away like a glassier exposed to 100-degree weather. You will also experience a dramatic shift in your capacity to handle stressful people, places, things and situations.
Breathing Exercises & Meditation
Both breathing exercises (deep, relaxed intentionally focused breathing) as well as meditation (any and every form) has been scientifically proven, by countless respected institutions to significantly reduce stress and increase our capacity to cope with stress. Developing a meditation or intentional breathing practice should be a custom creation by you and you alone. Try on a few, experiment and then practice the ones that work best for you as consistently as you are able. Developing a 2 minute a day practice will still have a positive impact on your stress levels. If you are new to these concepts or even just interested on my perspective on this, check out a recent blog I wrote on Demystifying Meditation
Many people, from both parties, have been conflicted, angry, disappointed, afraid and frustrated since the US ushered in a new president.
Issues of equal rights, safety, human rights, acceptance and tolerance have been a high concern for many and I have seen the backlash concerning this all around us. There has been and continued to be much negativity and accusations being spewed across social media and even news sources. I only have two things to say about this:
Please know that no problem can be addressed if it is not something we are aware of consciously. This brings to light the fear, hate, desperation, judgement and division of our country. Now, the spotlight has been shined on many issues we want to change. As it is at the forefront of our awareness, we as a people can be the change. We each can be a part of the solution. This problem cannot be solved by any one politician or any single group or party. It is a collective problem that WE Americans have and only WE Americans can fix through love, tolerance, unity and understanding. We must each participate in love. We cannot change these issues of hate and fear with more hate and fear.
By choosing to read, tweet and retweet, post and repost anger based messages, all you are doing is participating in furthering anger, hate and division. Be the solution. Be the change. First by removing yourself from the negative hamster wheel of conversations, thoughts and media. Next by giving some thought about what you want this world and this country to be like. Followed by coming up with an action plan, some small steps that you can take that are rooted in love, to BE THE CHANGE and create positive change.
What we all need are loving and strong leaders right now. Leaders lead, they blaze a path and set an example. They do not simply sit around moaning and groaning about what they hate. Anyone can do that. It is easier to complain about what you don’t like, not take responsibility or any accountability while putting the ownership and responsibility solely on someone else.
When we focus our attention on something we magnify it. It becomes bigger. When we focus on something it turns into an intention, or the place we send our energy to. When we focus on the problems we magnify the problems. However, when we shift our focus to the solutions we magnify the solutions!
During an extreme time of violence in US history, a group of meditators came together in Washington DC to meditate on peace, love and harmony. They set their focus and attention on this. During the exact times that they meditated on this, the crime rate dropped! Our focus and intention is powerful and it is powerfully positive when done from a place of love.
Set your focus and attention intentionally on the solutions (or finding the solutions) to create the positive changes you want to see happen in this world. Make sure that you check your heart and are honest with yourself… can you do this from a place of unconditional love and acceptance of other people, even if they do not believe or behave the way you would like them to?
Taking accountability for our part of creating positive change will lead us to great places individually and collectively! As Dr. Seuss put it so eloquently… “You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so… get on your way!”.
PS – Join me in sharing the solutions through Social Media!
Facebook: Author Rachel Eva
Self-care is a huge part of not only my physical and emotional practices but also my spiritual practice. Nurturing and caring for oneself allows for a deeper and more intimate relationship with self, community and a deeper spiritual life.
When I am investing in myself it is as if I am putting deposits into the bank, think of these deposits not as money but as energy that can then be spent of the things you want such as deepening relationships, expanding career or achieving goals.
We cannot possibly show up and give successfully what our lives require of us unless we first have it to give away. If we simply give away all our energy from a depleted account that is when we lack excellence, balance and joy! It is also when we wear ourselves down and eventually break down.
Self-care needs to address our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Self-care can be anything that works for you or recharges you in a positive way.
I have created a self-care home spa experience that I incorporate into my self-care routine frequently (in whole or in part depending on the time I have set aside). Self-care does not have to be complex. In fact, most of mine is fairly basic yet highly effective. May this be helpful to you on your continued journey and exploration into the benefits of self-care!
Create Sacred Space
Start your home spa self-care experience by setting the tone or creating a sacred space. Turn the lights down, diffuse some lavender, light candles and play some beautiful relaxing music!
Sit and close your eyes. Give yourself permission to put your ‘to do’ list away mentally and to let go of anything that you need to. Give yourself to feel whatever comes up. Spend a few minutes simply focusing on your breath. Breathe deep and relaxed breaths for a few minutes and just allow yourself to BE.
Not only does a good detox soak in a tub reduce stress and tension mentally, physically and emotionally, it also helps to pull toxins out of your largest organ… your skin! Here is the detox recipe I use in my weekly baths, all of these ingredients can be found at WholeFoods or for more affordable option, on Amazon:
2 cups colloidal fine grain organic oatmeal
2 tablespoons of Coconut Charcoal
1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
½ cup Arnica Oil
2 cups Magnesium Flakes
¼ cup Castor Oil
Draw a warm bath, stir in ingredients above. Feel free to add any essential oils you might enjoy as well such as lavender (for relaxation). Soak for at least 30 minutes.
Abhyanga (Self Massage)
You don’t have to set aside time and money to get a professional massage or miss out on the benefits if you either can’t afford one or simply don’t have time. Abhyanga is an Indian self-massage ritual that has many restorative and destressing perks in addition to the fast, accessible and in expensive aspects. All you need is a good clean (organic preferred) pure oil! The oils I recommend are Aragan, Almond or a good Ayurvedic oil blend. Generously apply oil starting from your feet and slowly massaging the oil in and working your way all the way up your body, even to your face and head! Rinse off after, but do not soap up. You will want some of the oils to be able to seep in throughout the day or overnight.
This is a time where I will give myself permission to pamper myself by paying attention to all the care and maintenance of the small ‘details’ such as putting on a face mask, giving myself a manicure or pedicure, plucking eyebrows, etc.
Stretch & Flow Restorative Yoga
Roll out your yoga mat or even a towel on the floor. Move your body through some light yoga stretches and restorative poses. If you don’t know any you can google some restorative yoga videos on YouTube or I highly recommend Cheri Clampett’s restorative yoga classes that are available on the Yoga Anytime Channel on Amazon. Whatever you choose, remember the goal is not to workout, the goal is to restore and nurture your body. So listen to your body, ask it what it needs and try to provide that. Your body may need to just stretch out and rest fully or spend a few minutes in one restorative pose. Either way, let go of expectations and let your body lead you.
Finish up by creating a little ritual for yourself. A ritual can be anything as long as it has the following elements:
Your ritual can be done through the use of artistic expression like painting or drawing, through burning incense, sage or Palo Santo wood, it can be done with crystals, with movement such as dance, it can be done communing in nature or anything else. Rituals should be personal and meaningful and breed connection with your higher true self and with God, Spirit, the Divine (or whatever is aligned with your beliefs).
A post-break up guide for fully releasing relationships, career, old habits or patterns and experiencing true freedom.
The Breaking Up
Saying no to this means saying yes to something else.
Breaking up with a person, place, thing or situation usually comes from a struggling with a relationship and coming to a decision that it is no longer something you want in your life. You finally decide to say no to the relationship with the hopes of saying yes to something better.
We don’t only break up with people, we also break up with jobs, career paths, financial situations, places, food, habits, self-image and self-treatment and other non-serving patterns. When we do break up it is important to gain the much needed clarity on why we created or chose that relationship into our life, as well as clear the old relationship FULLY from our lives on all levels; mind, body, emotions, thoughts and spirit.
If you don’t gain the clarity and clearing you need more likely than not, you will draw in the same thing energetically again. This may come in different exterior wrapping. It may even be in a different category. For example, you break up with a lover only to draw in the same energy, pattern and cycle into your career.
If you want to be done with the relationship and free from it for good, here is a simple guide!
What Is a Relationship?
All relationships take time, energy, focus & intention.
A relationship is a connection and intimate interconnection that we create with many different things; people, food, places, habits, etc. In order to have a relationship with something or someone it takes time, energy, focus (attention) and intentionality (intentional thoughts & actions). We can’t be in a relationship with someone or something we are not investing our thoughts, our action (our time) or our energy in. Intentionality is ‘with purpose’ or having a higher purpose to the relationship. You may have been consciously aware of your purpose for a relationship or you may not have been consciously aware of it, but I promise you there was a higher purpose at play. The higher purpose is ‘the reason’ you got into the relationship. Whether that was to experience happiness, love, safety, security, stability, fun, health, comfort or a slew of many other potential higher purposes, be sure that there is one behind the relationship you are breaking up with.
THE HIGHER PURPOSE IS ALWAYS FOR YOUR GREATER GOOD!
Always, always and always! You may think that that abusive relationship or that horrible job or even that food binging issue is due to you being a failure, broken, weak or messed up. It’s not! It is simply feedback for you that the strategy you were running in order to achieve your higher purpose was not effective! So put the bat down and let’s move on to how to find an effective strategy.
Creating a new and effective strategy to achieving the higher purpose of what the relationship was created to fulfill begins with clarity and clearing!
Clarity comes when we are empowered and gain clear understanding.
Until you get clear on the following things most people will simply recreate the same undesired relationship as they move forward:
Emotions, thoughts, habits & energy need to be cleared to fully release & move forward.
Let’s acknowledge for a moment that transition can be challenging. When we let go of something we may make a decision & remove ourselves from the thing or relationship but the energy of it may get stuck and linger causing negative emotions, lack of energy, confusion and worst of all attracting the same exact thing into our lives again.
So how can you clear a relationship?
Clearing needs to take place on all levels in order to be a full and complete clearing that will allow you the freedom to fully move forward and create something different. This means clearing physically, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually & energetically. Below are some simple tips on how to do this.
Emotional clearing consists of clearing negative emotions, attachments to negative emotions both with the person or people, places, things or situations that are attached or associated to the break up (the relationship itself, people and things attached to the relationship, etc.). Emotional clearing also includes clearing the emotions about yourself that have to do with the situation or person you are breaking up with, the break up itself.
Here are a few steps to emotional clearing:
People spend so much time and energy avoiding or suppressing their emotions. This only causes the emotions to become buried and stuck. Make no mistake, stuck emotions create illness and problems in all aspects of life. We are designed to experience emotions; it is part of being a human being. So acknowledge how you are truly feeling. Honor those emotions versus avoiding them. This will ready you to process them and release them. Use a journal or a trustworthy and non-judgmental friend as a sounding board.
Processing your emotions means intentionally creating the time and space to feel them. Meditate and allow them to rise up to the surface and flow freely. Don’t try to stop your emotions, try to be with them.
Just rolling around in negative emotions is not healthy and will actually magnify the emotions. It is important to get them up and out of the body and your entire being. You can do this through movement, exercise, creativity and sharing them in a safe way with a safe person.
Mental clearing consists of shifting your thought patterns about yourself, the thing your breaking up with and any situations attached to the person or thing you are breaking up with and also any projected thoughts (these are future based that have not happened yet, these are negative thoughts about the future).
Here are a few steps to mental clearing:
Become aware of your thought life and thought patterns. Many people let their thoughts drive their emotions and actions unintentionally. This causes people to go wherever their thoughts lead them. You are in control of your mind and therefor can clear your thought patterns and create new healthy thought patterns. Try starting a ‘thought journal’. This will help you track and become aware of your thought life and thought patterns.
Start to intentionally invest in your thought life, choose where and how you spend your thoughts. This doesn’t mean not ever having negative thoughts, but it does mean that when you do have them you don’t allow yourself to get swept away with them and end up running around and around with them. Make good thought choices one thought at a time.
Any good relationship takes love, time, attention and focus. Begin a relationship with your thoughts and build a healthy and higher serving thought life. Invest some time in thinking on and about the things that serve you such as dreaming, vision casting and the things you want to experience and create such as a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Physical clearing clears the body and the physical world around you of the old relationship.
When people think of the physical aspects of themselves they mostly think of their bodies. But the physical aspects also include your physical world, the things that you have or do not have around you and the things that you tangibly create.
Here are a few steps to physical clearing:
Out with the old, in with the new. Let go of anything in your physical world that no longer serves you. Look around you and notice what is within your physical body or surrounding you in your physical world. If those things are attached to the old relationship or do not bring you joy, let them go! That means un-invite them from your life and get rid of them!
Slow down and take good and gentle care of yourself physically as well as all of the physical things around you. This is a time to nurture yourself and the physical things in your life, so give yourself permission to up your self-care game.
Allow time for the residue to wear off. Give yourself permission to just be for a bit. Don’t jump into another relationship. Don’t jump into a fad diet, hardcore nutrition or fitness plan, take on a new lover or love interest, job or career. Just be here now for a little while. Once you have fully cleared and given yourself this time and space you will be free to create more balanced things through effective and loving actions.
Spiritual clearing consists of deepening your connection with yourself, community, the world (the earth) and the higher source you believe in. It also consists of getting re-aligned with your true and higher self.
Here are a few steps to spiritual clearing:
Be with yourself. Create the time and space to connect with yourself in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. This can be as simple as focusing on your breath and closing your eyes, meditating, doing yoga or journaling.
Be with the world, with the earth, with nature. Create the time and space to connect with the world around you in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a walk in nature, noticing and enjoying a beautiful surrounding or volunteering to clean up a park or finding a way to reduce your footprint.
Be with community. Create the time and space to connect with people round you and create or participate in community in a true, meaningful and intimate way. Do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected. Again, this also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as taking a yoga class, sitting at an outdoor café and striking up conversations, hosting a potluck dinner, connecting with friends or family or partaking in a community form of spirituality or spiritual worship expression.
Be with your God. Create the time and space to connect with Source, God, Higher Power or whatever your beliefs connect you with. This can even be connecting with the feeling and expression of love. Make sure you do this in a meaningful and intimate way, one that feels right for you. Connection to beliefs without true alignment, authentic worship or expression is dead and creates no spiritual clearing or growth, it is simply posturing. So do this in a way that works for you and helps you feel connected versus what you think you ‘should’ do. This also may take some trial and error, so experiment and see what works best for you. It can be as simple as praying, meditating on love, participating in a community worship experience or even sitting down and just talking and connecting with God.
Energetic clearing occurs when we are able to change the frequency of our personal energy as well as unclog and release the old energy.
Once we have energetically cleared the old relationship, we no longer are ‘playing the tune’ of the old relationship and the things attached to that. It means that we are now operating or putting out a different frequency. This also means you will create and attract different things. You will now attract and create relationships based on your new frequency.
Here are a few steps to energetic clearing:
Our energy has subtle and not so subtle feelings and shifts. Begin bringing your awareness to meet these and notice your energy and personal frequency. Are you amped up, feeling unable to sit and be, calm, peaceful, angry… these may be words to describe emotions however energy is not easily definable. Energy is something that is. It exists in and around you. Energy can be connected with and experienced with more awareness. Invest in becoming aware of your personal energy. Experiment and see what works for you.
There’s a great saying ‘where intention (or conscious focus) goes, energy flows’. Set an intention and begin to feel how your energy shifts as you hold this intention throughout the space of a week or so.
There are thousands of energy clearing rituals and the ones that work are the ones that create a ritual or ceremony that feels right for you. This could be sagging, getting energy work done, self-clearing energy work, Reiki, one of my or another practitioners guided visualizations or any other sacred ritual. The important thing is to create and practice that ritual with the intention of connecting with your higher self and Source or God along with the intention of clearing your personal energy of anything that doesn’t serve you or may be stuck within your energetic field. Again, there are thousands of ways to do this; you should pick one that you feel comfortable and safe trying. You can be as ‘normal’ and grounded or as creatively ‘out there’ as you desire, so make your energy clearing ritual personalized to you.
Human beings are strong and resilient. We are all able to shift, re-build, re-invent and transform our lives. Even when difficulties arise we are able to learn, heal and grow. Remember, that even during this transition, you are whole and resourceful! You need only to return to this wholeness through balanced intentional steps, self-love and self-care!
May you clear what needs to be cleared so that you may create that which serves you more!
We become people who meditate one meditation at a time over time.
If prayer is talking then meditation could be called listening. Another way I like to describe meditation is ‘marinating’ on something or marinating on nothing. Those of you who cook may have an understanding of this, especially when it comes to grilling steaks (for any vegetarians…I am not sorry, it’s an effective example so please try to relate in).
Say you are grilling a steak, most people will marinate the meat or let it sit submerged in something for a predetermined period of time in order that the meat will soak up as much of the marinade as possible (for flavor). Fully marinating and submerging meat in the marinade causes an environment where the meat can fully soak in the marinade into every part of the meat…even all the way into the center. Why? So the steak can become, be transformed into the best and most flavorful version of itself.
Do you get the analogy? Sweet!
When we meditate we are marinating and we learn to let go and be present to the meditation we begin fully soaking peace into every part of us…so that it truly merges with our flesh and becomes one. That gives us flavor!
Meditation can begin and remain very simple. You can choose to follow along with a ‘guided meditation’ or close your eyes, empty your mind and simple focus on your breath or choose a focus on ‘love and light’ or God or anything else that feels right to you.
Here are a few simple steps for ‘how to get started’ in meditating.
Begin with a realistic goal, maybe 2-5 minutes of still quiet time. You can build up from there but set a realistic goal to begin with.
GET INTO A QUIET ZONE
Create a quiet space and time for you to meditate… even going into your bathroom, closing the door and sitting on the floor if necessary (those of you with young kids can probably relate to that option). You will need an uninterrupted quiet space for your meditation.
Sit quietly and as distracting thoughts come to your mind make a conscious choice not to get into a relationship with those thoughts. A relationship with thoughts simply means repeating the thoughts over and over in your mind. Instead of allowing your thought life to run round and round like a hamster on a wheel you can focus your attention on your breath, an inspirational quote, or even on the feeling of LOVE. The point here is to BE and BE STILL!
Start small, with love, non-judgement and patience! It’s okay if you don’t love it at first. It’s okay if you do. Just try to begin a daily practice. If you forget one day or get off course for a bit try not to beat yourself up, instead choose to jump back on the path and try again.
We become people who meditate one meditation at a time over time.
Here is a simple structure you can follow for your daily mediations and prayers, then add some thoughts into your journal about what you experienced during meditation and also what prayers were on your heart.
Important to note, pray to the God you believe in and if you don’t believe in God you can still pray. Direct your prayers to the universe, to energy, or even simply to ‘all that is love’. Growing your spiritual life is an incredibly important part of a harmonious and healthy life. Seek, grow and expand. Start where you are.
MEDITATION & PRAYER JOURNAL EXERCISE:
Spend 5-10-15 (increase time this week) minutes sitting silently, following your breath (breathing in and out through the nose, tracking the breath into my nasal passages, down my throat, into your lungs, all the way down into your belly, and then followed it through the exhale. Repeating this and quieting the mind).
As thoughts came into your mind, I did not get into a relationship or judge them. Lovingly acknowledged them and let them go. Bring your hearts focus onto God or love or something that feels peaceful and beautiful to you. Sit and actively LISTEN, and BE STILL. After 5-10-15 minutes of this begin to pray or talk to God.
In your journal write on the following:
In doing this prayer and meditation today I experienced, learned, experienced and felt:
photo by Rory MacLeod
How do we get over an all or nothing mentality? Here is a simple paradigm shift that changed my patterns and life:
All things in balance!
When all things in your life are done in a balanced way or in a way that brings harmony, the results bring positive development, success with goals and permanent change to patterns.
Instead of choosing to approach your goal with an attitude or expectation of ‘I must do absolutely ALL of this now’, or ‘I must do this perfectly or it’s pointless’…
CHOOSE to approach it with balance, one step at a time and celebrating progress versus demanding perfection.
I promise you will see happier and better results with this mind set!
Have a balanced day!